Fwd
by blackestfaery
Summary: ONESHOT. An internet chat leads to someone making a very important and possibly life changing decision... Another person does some meddling, and Relena receives an eyeopening email...


Disclaimer: Yes, yes, Gundam Wing does not belong to me… I feel like crying…

**Disclaimer: **Yes, yes, Gundam Wing does not belong to me… I feel like crying…

**¬_¬**

Ok, here's another try at a one-shot, but honestly, I don't think I'm so hot with these.I can't seem to squish events all into one long story.I gotta take breaks, you know?But I've made an exception with this one.

One of my reviewers for one of my other fics asked how I make up my plots, and honestly, I don't.They just pop up at the worst, and I meant the _worst_ and inopportune times.Like, for my series _If I was the One_.I got that idea during pre calculus class.And this one?It snuck up on me while I was driving to work this morning.Completely missed the red light, but no cops were there, thank-you God!

But anyways, this is, I hope, a slightly humorous fic, but the majority of it will be serious.I hope you like it, and you'll understand the meaning of the title at the end of the fic…

Fwd

Written by: Nausicaä

In the soft, white glow of his computer screen, Duo Maxwell waited.Tapping his left hand fingers against his desk, he scrolled through the names on the screen, but none of them was the one he was seeking._Guess he's not on yet, _he thought.

A sudden shaft of yellow light pierced the darkness that surrounded Duo, and he turned, squinting his eyes at the silhouette of a petite woman.Hilde's voice drifted to him in the darkness.

"Duo, you comin' to bed soon?"

Giving her a reassuring smile, Duo said, "Yeah, soon, babe.I just gotta talk for a sec to an old buddy of mine.I'll be with you in like five minutes, k?"

"Alright, don't stay on too long." Closing the door behind her, Hilde left Duo immersed in darkness once again.

Turning back to the screen, Duo gave a satisfied smile as he saw the words he'd been waiting for:

Silence has joined the room 

Quickly clicking on the screen name, Duo sent his first private message, as _Shinigami_.

Shinigami:Took your sweet time, didn't you? 

_Silence_'s reply came back just as fast.

_Silence:I don't even know how you talked me into this._

Laughing, Duo typed back an explanation.

_Shinigami:Hey, I've just got that touch…but anyways, let's cut to the chase.Are you gonna do it?_

After waiting one minute, Duo knew that he wasn't going to reply.His friend was a fast typist, so there must've been some other reason for his delay.Typing again, Duo tried to coax him.

_Shinigami:Ah, come on, why not?It's so simple.Well, at least for me, it was._

This time, _Silence _did answer him back, but it wasn't what Duo was hoping to read.He was disappointed, to be sure, but he understood why his answer was in the negative.

_Silence:That's just it.It's easy for you, but not for me.I'm not the type who can display my thoughts so easily.I can't go through with it._

Nodding in acknowledgement, Duo told him.

_Shinigami:I understand, man.Guys like you, it's gonna be tough.No pressure then.But I'll tell you this:Don't wait forever.Things can happen…_

Duo didn't want to voice his meaning, but his recipient understood without enlightenment.He answered back with a question.

_Silence:You think it could happen?Another person?_

Knowing his time was coming to an end, Duo replied one more time.

_Shinigami:I'm not sure, but if I were you, I wouldn't wait to prove me wrong.I gotta jet now, but I'll say it one more time:DON'T WAIT FOREVER._

Signing off and shutting down the computer, Duo finally turned in for the night.Heading for the bedroom, he reflected on the conversation past.He hoped he got through to him this time.It would be a sad day, if what he'd suggested really came true._Good luck, buddy.If I know you, you're gonna need it_.

Reaching the bedroom he shared with Hilde, Duo softly opened the door and slipped into the room.Silently padding his way toward the bed, he slipped in close beside the warmth already there.Turning in her sleep, Hilde wrapped her arms comfortably around Duo's neck.Chuckling, he in turn wrapped his arms around his future-bride-to-be and closed his eyes, a small smile still on his lips.

_Shinigami has left the room_

Even though Duo had left, his message still remained.

He stared at it hard.Could Duo be right?Could there be a possibility that another… might steal his chance?

Leaning back into his desk chair, he considered his options.He could act on what his newly discovered heart told him to do and tell her.Or, he could just stay silent, watch her from a distance, and live the rest of his life alone, like always.

Still undecided, Heero Yuy logged off, shut down his computer, and sat in the darkness thinking. 

The next day had the simulated sunlight on L2 filtering in through the closed drapes of Duo and Hilde's apartment.The buzz and bustle of the neighborhood around them alerted the couple that they had, once again, slept in.Rushing out of bed to make what was actually lunch but breakfast to them, Hilde shouted over her shoulder, "My boss is gonna _kill_ me!I'll probably get the boot this time." 

Rolling more slowly out of the bed, Duo lazily made his way to the bathroom.Once inside, he splashed a handful of cold water on his face to wake himself up a bit more.Grimacing because of the taste in his mouth, Duo made a mental note of brushing his teeth before he kissed Hilde goodbye that day._Don't want to loose the charm on that lady_, he thought.

Blasting the hot water in the shower until it hit his back in a jet stream, Duo groaned in pleasure.The water refreshed him and got him ready for the rest of the day that he had left.Coming out of the shower, Duo brushed his teeth, quickly dressed himself, and did the ritual braiding of his hair.He would've left his hair down to air dry, but at times like these when he woke up really late, he just couldn't afford the time.

Strolling down the stairs and into the kitchen, Duo found the air filled the smell of – tv dinners.It was a little early for dinner, he knew, and as Hilde slapped down a freshly micro waved platter, he raised a sarcastic eyebrow.Hilde took offense, sticking her tongue out playfully at him."Hey, don't look at me!Who forgot to set the alarm last night, hm?"

Laughing softly, Duo gathered her in his arms and gave her a sound kiss on the lips."I know, I know.It was my fault, but you've still got time to get to the office and beg forgiveness from that 'Mr.-I've-got-a-stick-shoved-up-my-as '– hey!"Whatever Duo was going to say had been cut off by his girlish scream as Hilde tugged on his braid.

"You know I don't like you swearing," she said, but feeling guilty she apologized, "I'm sorry about your hair, though."

"It's alright, babe.Just as long as you don't do that often."Duo replied, rubbing his sore scalp."But, man, did that hurt like shi-"

Hilde tugged on his braid again.

Finishing with typing out the address, Heero pressed the 'send' button.Two seconds passed and the pop up message of 'email has been sent,' blinked on the screen.Sighing with apprehension and rubbing his tired features, Heero silently spoke to his fellow pilot. 

_Unbelievably, you are my last hope.If what I sent you was not good enough, then I cannot be helped._

Duo tried to avoid it, but ten minutes after Hilde had left, he was at the computer again, starting it up and logging on.He thought he was just very devoted to the Internet, but Hilde said she had a better way of describing his attitude: _obsessed._

Before he could surf the wide world web, though, he saw the flashing light at the bottom of his screen.He had mail.Opening up his email account, Duo saw that the email was from none other than Heero.

Duo was torn.He wanted to go surf and download stuff, but curiosity ate him as well.Heero never emailed anyone, unless it was important.

Loyalty to his friend and his curiosity getting the better of him, Duo opened the email and read.As he progressed through the letter, his eyes continually grew wider and wider, and an unbelieving look stole over his face as his mouth dropped open.Could Heero really have written this?Shaking his head in disbelief, Duo read the letter once again.

_Maxwell,_

_Again, I must admit that I am still contemplating the unnatural activity that you have somehow provoked me to do.Going into chat rooms, for one thing, was, admittedly, a curiosity of mine.But getting to write my thoughts down on paper is a completely different matter._

_After our conversation of last evening, you left me with a memorable statement that just would not allow me to sleep.'DON'T WAIT FOREVER,' is what you said.Do you remember that? Suffice it to say, that I do._

_I, to the best of my ability, have written down, what I would imagine if I had the… courage – no, I mean, _knowledge _to express my feelings, the words that I would speak to Relena.I do not think that it is appropriate enough, but what can one, who had lost their humanity and is only gaining it back piece by piece, do?You will not find colourful or poetic prose written here, Maxwell, but the raw feelings of someone who had thought that their ability to feel was taken away and abolished ever since they can remember._

_ _

_Relena,_

_It has been two years, three months, five days, and… eight hours since I have last seen you, speaking at that public conference.Two years, three months, five days, and eight hours since I have heard your voice.And especially, it has been two years, three months, five days, and eight hours since I have had a night's sleep without you appearing in my dreams._

_You have questions already, I know.I can just imagine your face, eye brows furrowed together, eyes unbelieving that I wrote to you at all, and mouth working silently as you read, wondering the nature of this letter and the strange greeting that I have given to you.All will be explained, I assure you, but ultimately, I plan and hope to successfully show – how else can I say it but – you, Heero Yuy._

_As you know, I never was one to speak more than what I deemed necessary.I never expressed emotion, for it was a sign of weakness, and as a soldier, I could not allow any advantages allocated to the enemy.But, that was taught to me, _drilled_ into me.Fighting these negative mannerisms now, is like fighting instinct to me.Trying to change has left me breathless with pain, as if the soldier inside refuses to let go.I wish to spare you from the atrocities with which I was brought up and trained in, but, if all goes as I hope it will be, then someday, if you wish to know, I will tell you.It may take a long while, but I hope that I will get to that level with your help._

_'Hope,' such a foreign word to me.I'm surprised that I can even use it, for I had only lived day-to-day, hour-by-hour, and minute-by-minute.With my past line of work, I could have been killed at any moment, so why should I have bothered to plan ahead?I had never cared to look into the unknown future, with the exceptions of planning and calculating my missions and the enemy's moves.But, with what I am trying to do with writing to you, I think that I am now worthy of using such a word._

_I never thought of it until now, but seeing people express their emotions _without_ a thought is completely beyond me.My humanity was beaten out of me._Literally. _And if there was any of it left after my training, then it crumbled with every building I destroyed, with every child I had to kill for the sake of the mission, and with every soldier I shot down, knowing that they had families waiting for them back at their homes.I was the Perfect Soldier._Nothing_ could bring me down.Nothing, no one, and _especially _human weaknesses like emotions. _

_Do you know, I envy infants the most?They are the ones who can't even _control _their emotions, their expressions; they're too young.But I, someone who is considered an adult, can't even manage a _grin._Do you know how much that sets me apart from the world?How much I feel like such an alien and intruder to this world?Even in a crowd, I stick out like a sore thumb.The soldier inside of me really doesn't care that I don't belong, but what I'm beginning to believe is my heart, is telling me that I can change that._

_That's the reason why I left.The reason why I left you.After fighting Dekim Barton's army and winning, I realized, "That was it.No more war.I will never kill again."Warring, fighting, infiltrating, and assassinating was all I _knew_ what to do.I was never actually meant to survive the war.I was created as a fighting machine, meant to live for war and die in war.I was never meant to _live._Of course, I was to fight so that others could live, but I was never meant to participate in that living.Knowing that, I left, because…I truly didn't belong._

_You, Relena, are the epitome and symbol of all that is peaceful.I'm the battle-scarred soldier, the symbol admired but feared even more for what I stand for.How could we possibly be able to co-exist, when we are, basically, opposites?_

_You need someone who can be there to be a stable support, someone who you can know to be there if you need the protection, someone who can love you the way you need, and above all, someone who can give themselves completely to you, no holds barred, no secrets._

_I wish to God, Relena, that that someone could be me.My yearning to regain my humanity hurts to the bone.But even if you decided to help me, I don' t think I could ever be the man that I know you have wished me to be.I am too scarred physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.What has been left has hardened to an impenetrable surface, hiding and restraining what longs to be set free.Me reaching out to you might well drag you into the dark abyss that I live in every day.I do not want you to be subjected to that torture.I will suffer it alone, like I always do.People do not touch, just as I do not touch them.Just looking at them, I know, leaves them with the cold chills of death sliding down their spines._

_I don't want that to happen to you.You are yet, still unspoiled by what's happened.Yes, you have experienced your share of perils, but instead of giving up, you've flourished through the ashes of others who had fallen under pressure.I would like to keep you that way, so if I touch you, you will never be the same._

_No matter that my heart aches with what I am writing, I can't let another suffer the same fate.Not when you are looked upon as a leader, loved by so many._

__Know and remember, Relena Peacecraft:

_Since the day I saw you on that beach, I've loved you.I had not expressed that to you, but, somehow I think you knew.And I will always love you, even when you marry someone else, even when you bear that someone's child._

_You may not ever see me again, but know that I will always be watching and protecting you, your unseen protector at night…and your silent love in the shadows._

_Heero Yuy_

_ _

He was speechless.Duo just couldn't believe.Heero had written, but _not_ what he'd wanted him to.He felt like he had just come across something he wasn't supposed to look at, regardless that Heero had sent it to him willingly.

Burying his face in his hands, Duo let the tears fall unchecked to the keyboard. 

"So that's it, Heero?"he whispered."You're gonna be the _damn_ gallant and give her up, without even giving her the choice that's rightfully hers to begin with?_Over my dead body_."

Without even looking up, Duo pressed a button and typed in another address.Praying, but having a gut feeling that he was doing the right thing, Duo pressed the 'send' button.

Nearly finished with the last of her presentation speeches, Relena was about to shut down her computer, when the familiar electronic sound of her computer stopped her.

"You've got mail."

**¬_¬**

Whoah, not too long I hope?But… what do you think?

Please review and tell me your thoughts.I'd love to hear from you.

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